Understanding the language of people around you... to better communicate with them!
To each our own way of communicating
Have you ever heard of the five love languages, a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman?
According to the latter, we all have our own preferences in terms of how we communicate our love, both to receive it and to offer it.
In all our types of relationships
Although Dr. Chapman originally developed this concept in the context of romantic relationships, it applies just as well to our relationships with friends, family and colleagues.
Dr. Chapman's five love languages
According to Dr. Chapman, our communication preferences can be grouped into five languages, as follows:
Affirmations, or words that express our love, appreciation and/or encouragement
Spending quality time with others, giving them our full attention
Physical touch, whether it's a hug, a kiss or simply taking the other person's hand
Actions that help others, whether to lighten their load or simply to please them
Gifts or little surprises that don't mark any special occasion, other than to show the other person that you've been thinking about him/her.
Changing and evolving preferences
Of course, we may have more than one preference, just as our preferred language may evolve over time or change according to circumstances. However, of the five languages, there are usually one or two that are more predominant than the others.
How do we communicate with another person?
Often, we tend to communicate with others, and therefore show our love for them, using our preferred language.
However, our preferred language is not necessarily the other person's preferred language, which can cause frustration and disappointment for both of us when we feel that the other person is not returning the love we express.
Taking the time to discover the other person's language
For better communication
So if we took the time to discover the other person's preferred language of love, taking the time to listen, observe and better understand their reactions, what would that change in our relationships? How could we better adapt our language to the people around us?
I invite you to try it and see how it transforms your relationships!
I also invite you to ask yourself: how could you apply this same concept to other areas of your life?
A concept that also applies to dance!
Imagine, then, that this same concept has been applied to partner dancing. In fact, Laura Riva has written an excellent article on the subject , which was of particular interest to me in my early days of Brazilian zouk.
It groups the five dance languages as follows:
Energy - where dancers seek to give their 100% on the dance floor, even if it means being sweaty and out of breath, in order to come away feeling energized and having danced fully
Fun - where dancers want to have fun on the dance floor creating and laughing with their partner, whether it's a mistake they've caught, a hyper-musical move or simply a unique co-created moment
Deep connection - where dancers prioritize their connection with the other person, to be in sync and experience a magical moment
Challenge - where dancers like to try new moves and will not hesitate to try the same move again and again in a song to achieve a satisfying execution or challenge themselves to perform more difficult or complicated figures
Expression - where dancers seek to interpret the music, adapting their movements and creativity to pick up the musical notes or express how they feel in each song
Explorong the language of others to better express yourself with them!
Curiously, my current dance partner and I didn't have the best connection at first, as our preferred language was quite different.
With time and practice, we both accepted and enjoyed exploring each other's language. Today, we can more easily alternate and play with different languages in the same dance, depending on our mood and the music!
This apprenticeship now enables us to communicate better, so we can express ourselves better and adapt to our partners and the music!
Recognizing progress: a moment of pleasure
Although I still have a lot to learn, for me, our latest R&B demo(link to full video here) at La Onda Social (an event we collaborate on every month) illustrates very well the progression in my ease of communicating in a language that is not my preference but rather my partner's!
It's one of the first times I've had the pleasure of playing with him in his preferred style and language! I'll let you judge for yourself!
Now it's your turn!
Your preferred language
What's your favourite language?
The language of the people around you
What is the language of the people around you? How do you adapt your communication style in everyday life?
Need a helping hand?
Coaching can be an invaluable aid in making us aware of our own communication preferences and the discrepancies that can exist between those of the people with whom we interact.
Curious to explore the subject further with me? Don't hesitate to book a free introductory appointment with me!
We look forward to accompanying you on your own journey towards greater freedom of expression!
